Birthday Present Conundrum
What would you do if you received a birthday party invitation the stated not to bring a gift? Would you bring one anyway? Would you abide by their wishes and walk in empty handed? Do you think they really want gifts but are trying to show that they can be selfless in a selfish world?
In today’s society, it seems like there is a competition among moms to see who can bring the best gift. It seems that a $5 toy or book may be looked down upon by some guests of the party, especially when they went out of their way to spend $40. Luckily, I don’t have to deal with this in my circle. At least, I’m blind enough not to notice any competing going on with my friends to see who gives the best gift. But what would you do if you were in this position? Would you stand firm and bring an inexpensive gift or would your competitive streak come out in full force? How would you handle it if you were looked down upon for being one of the “cheap” guests by bringing a book instead of a fancy present? Would you change your ways, start spending more money, just to be like everyone else?
And do the kids really need all of this stuff that they get? That was a question that was on my mind as I planned my two year old’s party back in January. I thought of asking people to make a donation to a charity instead of bringing a present for my daughter, but then I realised how much fun kids have opening all of those presents. I couldn’t deny her that experience, now could I? Actually, when I think about it, if someone threw me a party and asked not to bring any gifts, I think I’d be a little sad. Sure, I’d be happy to celebrate with all of my friends and loved ones, but I still like to get presents!
So what do you do when your child’s birthday rolls around? Do you let the presents pile up, ask for donations in lieu of gifts or instruct party goers not to bring anything at all? And if you are on the other end and have to bring a gift, what’s your spending limit when shopping for a present for the birthday kid?
March 30th, 2009 at 8:48 am
We do either simple handmade or thrift store gifts for pretty much every party we go to. Partly it’s to do with finances, partly it’s to do with teaching the kids that the value of the gift is in the thought, not the dollar amount. For a 2 year old’s party it seems you could easily ask guests to “re-gift” something from their own home or to bring something second hand. A two year old wants to open packages – not reap the piles of gifts. Once they’re open, they’re pretty much finished with the gift anyway. My mom even used to take gifts away from young recipients when there was an overload and wrap them up for future occasions or even non-occasions. Good luck. I’d like to hear what you decide.
March 30th, 2009 at 8:58 am
I attended a birthday party for a three year old boy yesterday, and the invitation said “No Gifts Please!”. I brought a gift anyway, but it was something very small and inexpensive. More importantly it was a gift that can be used up, instead piled up or thrown away. It was a $4 bottle of Super Bubbles.
Personally I always like to bring a gift no matter what, but it’s never a competition. When my daughter turned one I also pleaded No Gifts to the handful of birthday party guests invited. As a mom, I knew two things: my one year old daughter didn’t need any new gifts, she already had plenty to play with; I really did not want my house even more overcrowded with plastic playthings.
March 30th, 2009 at 9:28 am
If the invitation said no gifts, I would respect their wishes. We have tried to make Christmas and birthdays all about spending a fabulous day with friends and family and enjoying quality time and good food. I would hope that opening a pile of presents would never be the best part of a party. We are trying very hard to teach our son not to be materialistic, and at the same time, we make a serious effort to limit the amount of plastic throwaway stuff, and electronic toys that will be broken and ignored within a few days.
It’s a hard path to follow, and I know a lot of people think we are selfish for changing traditions, but I feel like we have to follow our consciences.
March 30th, 2009 at 10:31 am
Thanks for prompting a blog post for Future Craft. You can read it on our site and also I dug up this old post on my own personal blog… http://bernadettenoll.blogspot.com/2007/10/birthday-traditions-and-fighting.html
March 30th, 2009 at 12:21 pm
I really like the idea of re-gifting things for a later occasion that you get or asking for people to bring a toy that they already have. Kind of like the white elephant idea at Christmas time- which I grew to love!
It’s certainly a very interesting topic. I love hearing how others handle it. Personally, I love to buy gifts for people (as much as I like to get them) and so I will probably keep on giving even if they say no gifts. But, giving something usable is a great idea… not something that will just get added to the pile.
I do wish more people would be alright with getting things second hand, especially since I’m such an avid thrift store shopper!
March 30th, 2009 at 12:33 pm
The only party I’ve ever gone to with this request was held at the zoo, which is an animal rescue. So we donated the amount it would have cost us to get in, about $30 in lieu of a gift and my boys made the birthday girl a card. I thought this was a great idea, but still felt uncomfortable when I saw all the gifts piled up. I felt kind of like George Costanza in the tipping episode of Seinfeld…
March 30th, 2009 at 8:18 pm
We do the one year on, one year off method at our house. Basically, what this means is we allow gifts one year, and then pick a charity to donate to instead of gifts the next. Examples of charities are: We had everyone bring books one year to donate to a local kids shelter. We had a local cat rescue group come to our “kitty party” and set up a donation center….they also brought some cats up for adoption and one found a home. The year we did have gifts, our child picked some old toys to give to charity.
As for invites with no gift requests, I always come with something small. Usually, I will give books or simple learning toys….something small and cheap to attach to a card. Books can even make great cards with a simple message written inside.
March 31st, 2009 at 10:50 pm
We just had my son’s third birthday party this weekend. It was a no gifts party. In our circle, no gifts just became the norm, although it really depends on the family. For me, it’s a pet peeve when the host says no gifts and people bring gifts anyways. Then the people that actually did as the host wished end up feeling/looking bad. This year, it was a little easier b/c fewer folks brought gifts and I just took them upstairs (we had the party at home) so they weren’t sitting out.
Last year we collected books for the waiting room of the Center for Child Protection. This year I just asked everyone to bring a knock knock joke, since my son is into those right now. Friends have asked for donations of diapers for SafePlace or food for the food bank. The consensus seems to be that the kids will get plenty of gifts to open and that gift opening isn’t part of the party for preschoolers since it’s not a short process. I am interested to see what changes as the kids get older. My son never mentioned anything about gifts from friends, even after going to some parties where gifts were opened (just to young to make that connection yet, I guess).
Our standby gifts for others are books, CDs, or something from Rootin Ridge (again for preschool age). I think $15 is about my limit. We can’t really afford more, so I guess I don’t worry about how it looks next to other gifts.
OK, off to write thank you notes! Great post!
April 1st, 2009 at 2:20 pm
this is an awesome post! it’s great to hear what others are doing. we had our first no-gifts bday this year and our reasons were that our child does not need anymore toys (nor do i need anymore toys to help pick up), and she is at an age where she can begin to understand helping others. we asked folks to bring a non-perishable food or toiletry item to her 3rd bday party, and then we donated the items to a local shelter. scheduling conflicts prevented me from taking her with me to the shelter to donate the box of goodies, but we talked about the food/items a lot and how they would help others. as she gets older, we will make volunteerism/donating a family practice…right now, we’re thinking that volunteering for the food line at thanksgiving will be our big yearly family charitable event, and we will also have the kids help us collect clothes, toys, and books to donate periodically.
August 26th, 2010 at 3:37 am
I feel that somewhere in the darkest night a candle glows. I believe that for everybody who goes astray an individual will come to show the way.”