Somewhere In Binky Hell
I’ve consumed a little more wine over this past week than I normally do. There are some bags under my eyes that are not as easily concealed as they usually are and I’m beginning to wonder if life will ever be normal again.
A little over a week ago, after following the lead of my two and a half year old daughter, we took away her beloved binky. The first couple of days she asked for it and I would remind her that we gave her binky to her friend- a one year old little girl who uses binkies as well. We’ve been prepping her for this day for months now. We played it up big, offering to throw her a Bye-Bye-Binky Party, which she thought was absolutely hilarious. We told her that they are for babies and that big girls don’t need them. And so when she took her binky, threw it on the floor and told me that she was a big girl and didn’t need it anymore, I jumped on it. Like a shark. But maybe I was too quick to move on it.
Perhaps I was expecting crying and tantrums during her nap and bedtime routine in the beginning, as she was generally only allowed to use it during those times, but after the first few nights of crying for hours on end without a way to help soothe her, it only seemed to be getting worse instead of better. For nearly four hours out of my day, I am dealing with a screaming toddler, one who is generally pretty laid back. I really thought that it would get better by now. I thought that we’d see some improvement, but with the addition of some serious aggressiveness being added to the crying- she hit me, kicked me and spat on me several times in the process of getting her to go to sleep the other night- I am thinking that maybe, just maybe, she wasn’t ready to let go of her binky. It’s completely disrupted our entire household and is turning me into an emotionally drained zombie since I have no way of soothing my baby.
She doesn’t ask for it anymore at all. She only has problems when it comes to going to sleep. I’m thinking that I should give it to her at night only when she’s getting ready for bed. As much as I hate to give up and re-introduce it to her, I don’t know how long anyone in our family will be able to stay sane. Would it be easier once she’s a little older and a little more logical? What do you experienced mamas think? Have you gone through this when you had to take your child’s binky away? Does it eventually go back to normal once the child learns how to go to sleep without the binky? And if so, how long will the trip through binky hell last? Two weeks, a month, forever?
Why don’t these kids come with an owner’s manual?
August 19th, 2009 at 12:50 pm
I have no idea if we took away my daughter’s binky too early. She was well over 2, but I think it gave her an immense amount of security that I took away in one night. (The beloved Binky Fairy came to our house) She has been a different child ever since. It could be related, it could be that I took it away during a major transition in her life and we might have had the same reaction even WITH the binkies. who knows. My nearly 2 year old son still loves his dear binkies, and I am not falling for the cold turkey method with him. I’ll slowly phase them out, when I think he’s ready, not when I am ready. I don’t care if he is older w/ a binky, I’ll deal with that when we get there. For now, there is peace in our house. So, no advice for you, sorry. I don’t know that I would re-introduce them if she is not asking for them. She may just need something else to soothe her, more one on one time with mom, a slower paced bed time, a new ‘lovey’…. hth. best of luck!!
August 19th, 2009 at 7:16 pm
oooh, you poor mama. i know this is going to sound insane, but i have TRIED to get my kids to love their binkies. no dice. but, we had a similar situation with livie and her diapers. weird thing to be attached to, no? it’s different than being attached to a binky, but the “symptoms” were pretty similar. since you know us in real life, you know all about what we’ve been through, so i won’t bore you. but i will tell you that the situation impacted the ENTIRE family.
i have a good friend who has a 5yo daughter who gave up her binkies around 4 years old. my friend tried and tried to get her daughter to give them up, and in the end, the only thing that worked was cutting off little bits of the end of the binky bit by bit and slowly over time so that eventually, there was nothing to suck on.
i like sara’s idea about a lovey. my kids don’t take binkies, but they have some really TIGHT relationships with their lovies. so far, quinn is a 3-lovey man. he has his three favorites and he’s good. livie, on the other hand, has a revolving door for her loveys. right now, her stuffed “monster” and her IKEA crocodile are the main lovies of choice. oh, and her blanket with bunnies. these three have been in place for about 8 months. before that, it was crocodile and some of those gerber cloth diapers, which livie has been loving on since she was about 15 months old…she calls them her DAs (pronounced dah). occasionally, other stuffed animals or dolls make it into the lovey rotation and there’s a lot of hoop la if they are not in their place at bedtime, but generally there are 3 staples that change after several months. whatever works.
good luck. i hope you have lots of strong coffee around the house!
August 19th, 2009 at 9:02 pm
wish i had some advice, but just commiseration. my son is three and still has one. i keep saying “after X” or “after Y” and then something else comes up. we started on potty training and didn’t want to do both at the same time and so we kind of gave up on the pacifier. what i will say is that it is restricted to night and nap and we are down to one now, so i honestly think at some point it’s literally going to fall apart!!
i know in some of my hardest mama moments, just when i think i’m gonna throw in the towel, things turn around, so i hope you are in that place soon.
agree with lori – coffee coffee coffee?!
August 24th, 2009 at 1:34 pm
Thanks for the help, ladies. I ended up speaking with a wise woman who has successfully raised nine children- all who also had binkies. I decided that we would all be happier if she had a binky while going to sleep. I bought a new one, and come bedtime, she went right back to normal, crawled into bed and went to sleep without any drama! She still isn’t asking it during the day and spits it out for the entire night right after falling asleep, so I’m not really worried about any issues with her teeth or mouth being messed up from it. I figure she’s got some more growing up to do before feeling comfortable enough to go without her comfort when falling asleep!