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You are the founder of Stepmother’s Milk, a website offering support and encouragement for stepmoms . Tell us how this site came to be.

Just a few years ago, I was living the good single city life. I had a great career, an independent “Izzy-centric” lifestyle and was perfectly happy with the fact that I was unmarried and childless at thirty-five. Of course, that’s when I met and fell in love with a divorced man with two sons. Suddenly, my life got a bit more complicated.

I shouldn’t have been totally surprised that once I found Mr. Wonderful he’d come with strings attached because this is just the new reality for many women postponing marriage until their thirties. For us, the dating pool changes and many of the available men are hardly single. They come with small versions of themselves and an ex-wife– what I call: the package deal.

Long story short, I married my man plus three and as a new stepmother I went looking for a support group– like a stepmothers anonymous, but with cocktails- and when I didn’t find one that spoke to me, I started my own. I launched Stepmothers Milk  in 2007 and its’ immediate success let me know I’d tapped into a need: women who’d become “instant mothers” seeking support, advice and wanting to be heard.

How long did it take before you started to make real connections with other stepmoms on the site?

Once I decided to create a stepmom forum and blog I did my research and quickly learned there are millions of us (recent statistics count twenty million stepmothers in the U.S.), so I knew that Stepmother’s Milk had the potential of connecting with women in a big way. I was right. I started making connections as soon as I put myself out there.

Are most of your readers in Austin or are they spread out nationwide?

I have readers in Austin and I’ve also connected with women from Orange County to Seattle, Memphis to Minneapolis and Boston and Montreal. And recently, my reach has jumped the pond. I’m connecting with women in England, Scotland and even a woman living in Tehran.

Do readers contact you for advice?

Women do contact me for advice and I always preface my responses by reminding them that I’m not an “expert,” but a woman– just like them– living it day to day. I’ve worked hard to make myself accessible to readers and it’s rewarding and enriching to hear directly from women who have similar stories to share. More often than not, they have something to teach me.

What has been the hardest part in running a website?

It’s time-consuming! When I first launched Stepmother’s Milk, I posted 3-4 times a week. I kept that up for about a year and then I started scaling back, and not from lack of interest, but just because generating new content takes a lot of time and energy and like most bloggers, I’m trying to juggle other things, like my career, family and me-time.

What was your vision for the website in the beginning and how has that vision changed now that Stepmother’s Milk is well established?

Since launching the site in 2007, my vision has changed. I started Stepmother’s Milk as a way to tell my stories and now, three years later, I’m ready to pull back and let others tell theirs. I’m in the process of revamping the site. I want to take the platform I’ve developed and redirect attention to the greater stepmom community. Stepmother’s Milk will soon showcase veteran and up-and-coming bloggers, the forum will be prominent and I’m developing some snazzy, new features.

You hold local Stepmom Mixers here in the Austin area on a monthly basis. Where do you meet and what goes on at a mixer? Are there lots of tears, laughs and swearing going on?

We jump around, but lately we’ve been meeting at Vino Vino in Hyde Park. There we can accommodate a big group, order great wine and get loud. And yes, our conversations include tears, laughs and vulgarities! The Stepmother’s Milk Mixer is my new passion. I recently wrote a post titled “How to host a stepmom mixer” because I believe bringing women together and creating an offline dialogue is significant and empowering. I’d love to see groups form all over the country and so far, I’ve heard from women starting their own in places like San Diego, Fort Worth and Chicago. It’s very exciting!

You recently published a book, The Package Deal: My (Not So) Glamorous Transition From Single Gal to Instant Mom. What inspired you to share your story?

By putting my imperfect self out there and telling my personal story, I hope to inspire a few hearty laughs and provide some relief to the millions of women who have also signed up to help raise another woman’s kids. If by reading The Package Deal, other stepmothers find themselves saying “ME, TOO,” I think we can soon look forward to a mainstream discussion on the subject of stepparenting.

Often times, men seem to get the bad rap when they run from dating a woman with children. It seems that there are quite a few childless women who are quite content without having children in their lives and are often tempted to run when they find out that the man they are dating has children. What was your reaction when you found out that he was a father?

Since I’m a stepkid myself, I’m not easily spooked by words like divorce, joint custody, stepfamily. When Hank and I first got together, I remember thinking, I know how this works. I’ll be fine. Well, I was just dumb and naïve! Stepfamily dynamics are a lot different when you’re the stepparent (emphasis on parent).

The Package Deal is incredibly witty. I was impressed by how well you handled getting married, moving to a new state and jumping in to raise two boys. Do you always try to have a sense of humor in life, no matter what situation you find yourself in?

 Yes! As far as I’m concerned, laughter is the key to maintaining sanity. And girlfriends. One of my favorite pieces of advice is to seek out one good girlfriend who is willing to listen to you spill the good, the bad and the revolting. And then spill. I truly believe that laughing and groaning over our shared stories is one of the best antidotes for warding off insanity. It’s worked for me.

W hen I was a new mom, I found it tough, sometimes for days on end, to get out of my pajamas and into more stylish, non­-mom clothes. You are touted as a being chic stepmom, but did you also have a period of adjustment in the beginning of your role as instant mom when you stayed in your pj’s all day?

I wish I could say I look chic all the time, but the truth is that I spend most of my daylight hours in a home office wearing gym shorts and threadbare t-shirts, often sans undies and shower-free until cocktail hour. When I do emerge from 9-5 isolation, I like to make up for my cave-like appearance by busting out the stiletto heels, vintage jewels and slipping into something stylish . How often does this happen? Maybe twice a week.

Where are you from originally and what brought you to Austin?

I’m a native Californian. I grew up in Sonoma County (think vineyards and rolling hills) and spent my twenties and thirties living and working in San Francisco and Oakland. As far as the series of events that uprooted this California gal and moved her to Texas, you’ll just have to read The Package Deal.

 How did you meet your husband? Was it love at first sight?

I met my husband when we worked together at the CBS station in San Francisco. Initially, I was not impressed. He had this weird, foreign accent (when you’re from California, the South is foreign) and wore Cliff Huxtable sweaters. He’s since ditched the cable-knit and I’ve come to adore his sugary, Memphis drawl.

As a former Emmy award-winning television producer, do you have plans to re­-enter that line of work in the future? Do you miss the old hectic pace in your life?

I adore the crazy pace and adrenalin rush that goes along with working in television. I absolutely do miss it, but had I never left my “old life,” I probably wouldn’t have started a blog (not enough hours in the day), which means I wouldn’t have written a book. I gave up a career I loved, but now I have a new career. I get to say with confidence, “I’m a writer.” It’s a scary thing to walk away from what we know, but when we stay put in the safety zone we deny ourselves the opportunity to reinvent ourselves.

Do you have plans for another book?

Absolutely. My latest project: Spirited: Connect to the Guides Around You, which I co-wrote with Rebecca Rosen, published by Harper Collins, releases in February 2010 and I have a few other projects in the works, including another memoir.

What’s the most important lesson you’ve learned in life from being a stepmother?

When you marry a man with kids, it’s important to really understand that you’re not just making a lifetime commitment to a man, but to a family– and one that existed long before you came along. I had to surrender my expectations of what I thought marriage was going to look like and accept and embrace a new family model. I’ve learned a valuable lesson in compromise and flexibility.

Posted by livemom on Tuesday, October 13th, 2009 at 12:40 pm | 4 Comments » You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.