Dividing Up the Holidays
Are you ready? Get set! Go! The holiday shuffle is upon us. Whether yours started last week, this weekend, this week, Christmas Day or the week after, most everyone does some shuffling this time of year. When I was a kid, Christmas was about family, faith and presents. Don’t get me wrong, it still is about those things, but now it’s about dividing time up as well.
My husband and I have been doing the shuffle for 5 years now. In the beginning, it was new and uncomfortable for me because we never went anywhere over the holidays as a kid, so it never occurred to me before I got married. The shuffle has not been easy and has caused some hurt feelings. Yes, balancing the holiday shuffle can be precarious. I come from a large, close family and Christmas has always been about time spent with them. Well, at least it was until I got married. At first it was hard for me to divide up holiday time with my husband’s family. I hated missing out on any of my family holidays even though I knew I was being selfish. These days, we try to spend Thanksgiving with one family and Christmas Day with the other. Since we went to North Texas for Thanksgiving with my family, we will be spending Christmas here in Austin with my in-laws. It is a system that has worked well the last couple years and it ensures quality time with both families.
Thinking about my holiday shuffle makes me wonder what it is like for everyone else. I guess some people have been shuffling since childhood and some people shuffle between more than just two families. Plus, what happens when you throw people in who you may not really like into the shuffle: ex-spouses, in-laws or ex-in-laws, new spouses? It could get exhausting! Maybe my shuffle isn’t so bad after all. Sure my in-laws and I may not always see eye to eye, but at least there is always good food, warm feelings, presents and booze.
Now come on! Share your horror stories or how you’ve managed to make it work in your family. Is it so easy between your in-laws or exes you could write a how-to manual on holiday shuffling or have you abandoned the shuffle entirely? However much shuffling you’ve got to do, I wish you a Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and Happy New Year. Cheers!
Written by: Katie Mastovich
December 21st, 2009 at 2:49 pm
Before we moved to Texas (what a relief), we would spend Christmas eve with my family in San Diego, and then drive up to Bakersfield (about 4 hours north) *that night* to be with my husband’s family for Christmas day.
Two years in a row, we left Bakersfield on Christmas day, approximately 15 hours after arriving, because my MIL was being super-obnoxious. And this was with two toddlers in tow. Needless to say, I am so very glad we will not be doing the shuffle this year!
December 21st, 2009 at 6:19 pm
We usually try to divide now. Problem is when Albert and I got married I wasn’t really talking to my family so holidays were one sided. Now that everything has been (somewhat) resolved it’s hard for his family to remember and realize that my family needs holidays with us and Trio too. This year we spent Thanksgiving in the Cove with his dad’s family so we’re going to spend Christmas with mine and I think it will be interesting to say the least to see how everyone reacts to that.
December 22nd, 2009 at 7:51 pm
Funny – I have a Bakersfield story too. When I was married to my first (and desperately wrong) husband, we lived in San Francisco. My family was in SF. He was from Bakersfield, and his mother insisted that we were there first thing on x-mas AM. I was fine spending x-mas eve with my mom, x-mas day with his, but her insistence on waking up there meant we either spent x-mas eve there, or drove after a huge feast at my mom’s house all night at insane speeds through Tule Fog to get there.
When I tried to reason with her, she would just say “in MY family, everyone comes home for christmas. All my brothers brought THEIR wives home.” I said “you do realize, then, that your brother’s wives weren’t going HOME for x-mas?”
We are divorced, and with my (right and forever) husband’s family overseas and mine back in CA…we have a cozy little holiday, baking, eating, playing, no stress!
December 22nd, 2009 at 9:32 pm
My husband’s family is overseas as well and it does make for a much more peaceful holiday not having to worry about dividing up the time between everyone. With my family spread across the US, it’s virtually impossible to get everyone together or to even worry about who we are or are not spending it with. It’s kind of sad sometimes, but also nice because we can create our own traditions and do our own thing without trying to please everyone. There isn’t a whole lot of guilt that we carry around and are always pleased when we do get the chance to be with family or close friends during the holidays.