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Motherself is a spiritual direction/life coaching service that was started by a local mama to two young boys, Julie Aziz.

Q: Tell us about Motherself. What services do you provide?

A: Motherself is designed to support women in their personal, professional, and spiritual growth, as individuals and as mothers. I provide what I call facilitation– a process that includes elements of both coaching and spiritual direction. Up until recently, I have been focused on working with women one-on-one, over the phone and using email. Currently, I am planning a group for local Austin moms, in which women will meet once or twice a month to focus on some of our daily challenges, and how we can best use them towards personal growth. The group will involve some meditation and writing in addition to spoken reflection.

Q: I noticed that you offer guidance to pregnant and new moms. Have you found that this process helps new mothers to ward off postpartum depression?

A: Mothers who suffer from moderate to severe postpartum depression, to the point where they have trouble caring for their children, barely eat or sleep, completely withdraw from other people, and so on, need more than what I can offer– these women need in-person, individual and/or group therapy, possibly medication, and a lot of extra help. New moms who teeter on the edge of PPD, experiencing some of the anger, the insomnia (aside from the baby-induced kind), the constant worry, and the closing in on themselves can definitely benefit from having regular, focused attention on themselves and their needs. I do think motherself services can help these women get through the intense transition of having a new baby.

Q: You’ve been a counselor in the past- working with families, men and women. Why have you decided to work solely with mothers?

A: My answer to this is somewhat twofold. First of all, the work I do with motherself is a departure from counseling in and of itself. While the counseling I did in the past was focused on psychological insight and healing, motherself work is designed for purposeful growth. We do not try to understand why a situation or pattern of behavior is occurring, but rather we look more at the “how” — how is my way of looking at this situation serving me, or not? Or, instead of falling into the same old patterns, how do I go about making intentional change? The difference in perspective leads to other differences as well- for example, motherself work can be done over the phone and through email writing, which is not something I would have done as a counselor (though I know there are plenty out there that do!)
As for why I decided to work solely with mothers for now, it is partly because becoming a mother myself introduced me to the inner workings of mothers at a different level than I could have ever understood before. I have been amazed and disturbed by all the debates and pressures that seem to emerge as soon as a woman becomes pregnant (or possibly even before, if conception is an issue). Over time, I have witnessed friendships dissolve, marriages collapse, and previously pretty balanced women become very narrowly (and not always happily) focused on their children’s needs. It seemed a natural choice to use this “personal study”, if you will, to better inform my practice with other people.

Q: What are some of the issues that the moms you work with talk about? Do you see any common issues among them that we all seem to go through at some point in time during our journey through motherhood?

A: There are definitely some common threads. Finding a sense of purpose outside of mothering is a big one. Oftentimes, but not always, this relates to work- deciding whether or not to work, how much to work, and what kind of work to do (if the woman was unhappy with her previous jobs). Some other common issues, to name a few, include re-orienting within a marriage once the baby comes and throws all previous roles for a loop, feeling pressured about doing everything right, giving so much that it feels like the self has all but disappeared, questioning ideas about child discipline, and generally struggling with how to adapt to the changes and uncertainty that come with parenting.

Q: Do you focus your help strictly on issues that women have with parenting or is it any issue that they may be having trouble with in life?

A: Any issue is up for reflection– it just depends on what the individual client is focused on. Regardless of the issue, I try not to give advice or help the woman solve the problem, per se- instead we look at the situation from a different angle, challenging her current beliefs about something being “wrong”, helping her open to more internal guidance, setting clear intentions for the future, and providing follow-up support to make sure she is on the track she wants to be on.

Q: You were an interfaith hospice chaplain. Did working with people who were dying give you a little more inspiration on living life?

A: To this day, I feel utterly grateful to the families who welcomed me into their homes to bear witness as their loved ones passed away. In some ways, seeing death is like seeing birth- you are faced with how incredibly amazing and fragile life is. I felt honored and humbled by the experience, each and every time, as it reminded me how precious life is.

Q: How has having two small sons changed your views on life?

A: I think that the ideas I used to have, and the changes I used to want to make, became more immediate and necessary. My actions have greater consequences, and so do my beliefs, as I see how easily my children pick them up. So in that way, I would say that becoming a mother has made me more clear about following through on my best intentions.

Q: How did the birth of your first son change your career goals?

A: For me, this change came about before he was born, when I was pregnant. For years I had been feeling that being a therapist wasn’t quite the right fit for me, but it was my training, and it was something I knew I could do well. When I was pregnant with my first son, a series of stressful, though not uncommon, events occurred in my counseling job, and I was able to finally take action on my feelings of discontent- I left my job, knowing that I could not subject my growing baby to the kind of emotional and physical stress I was under. So it was out of protection for my child that I was able to make a change that I had really needed to make for a long time. Since having my son, I have been able to take enough time away from counseling to better understand the kind of work that is more authentic to who I am.

Q: Do you work out of your home, or do you have an office where clients can come and talk with you?

A: I work from home, which is possible because up until now, all my work has been done over the phone and email. I am currently seeking a space for the new group in Austin, and this may end up being in someone’s home or at an office space.

Q: I could imagine it might be tough sometimes to turn off the problems that your clients bring to you in your own life. How do you turn that part of you off when you are not working?

A: I think your question gets to the crux of why I needed to leave counseling in the first place, as over time, the wear and tear became too much. With my current motherself work, I feel more energized and inspired, and because I will only take on a few clients at a time, I can much more easily balance my own time.

Q: How many hours do you spend working per week?

A: This varies a lot- some weeks I may not work at all, others I may work up to 10 hours.

Q: Are you from Austin? If not, where are you from and how long have you lived here?

A: I am originally from New York — I was born in NYC, but we moved a few times, and most of my childhood was spent outside of Albany, NY. I moved to Austin in 1997 for the Masters in Social Work program at UT, and aside from one year when I left to travel, I have been here ever since.

Q: What is your favorite thing about living in Austin?

A: The people. It is just a friendly place to live, and I really appreciate that openness, coming from the Northeast where people keep to themselves more. And the sunshine, which is also quite a difference!

Q: What do you dislike about Austin?

A: The summer heat, the traffic, and the distance one has to drive to see real mountains.

Q: Do you plan on having more children?

A: This is a big don’t know for me right now, and I am learning to just live with that uncertainty for the time being.

Q: With two young children at home, how do you manage having some downtime for yourself? When you do find some time, what do you enjoy doing for yourself?

A: My husband is very supportive of me having some downtime, and he is often willing to watch the kids when he gets home, or for a few hours on the weekend. I read a ton, I love to hike, and I try to go out dancing with my girl friends as often as possible.

Q: What principles do you practice daily to help you be the mother and woman that you want to be in life?

A: For me, the most important practice is acceptance. The more I can accept that I am doing the best I can, and that I can not be who I am not, the more easily life seems to flow. I do not pretend to do this, or anything else, perfectly- I am as much on the journey as any one of my clients.

Q: If you could give out unsolicited advice, who would you give it to, and what would you say to them?

A: The advice I would give would be along the lines of: Trust yourself. Do your own best, not someone else’s, and let that be enough.
And who to give it to? I guess whoever needs it.

Posted by livemom on Monday, February 8th, 2010 at 9:24 am | 1 Comment » You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.