What is the difference between therapy and parent coaching?

Parent coaching is short-term, solution-focused consultation with parents who want to improve specific areas of their family’s life, their child’s behavior, or their confidence as a parent.

In my parent coaching role, I am more of a consultant—someone with extensive training and experience in psychology, behavior, child development, attachment theory, parenting, and more—with whom you consult about a specific problem. You describe the problem, I ask you to collect data, then we examine & explore what’s going on and come up with an individualized, intuitive, thoughtful, loving, and effective response! Parents LOVE parent coaching because it leaves them in control, gives them tons of useful information, improves their confidence, and offers so much support.

Parent coaching is actually quite different from therapy—therapy is more process-oriented (meaning, that it moves slower, you talk & I listen, we’re not trying to get to an ‘answer,’ etc.) So, if you compare me to a traditional individual therapist, the experience is about as different as apples and giraffes!

When might parents want a coach?

The reasons that bring families in to see me vary, but the most popular is discipline and family harmony, particularly with younger children. To be more specific, parents talk with me about improving their effectiveness in getting their kids to behave appropriately, understanding why behavior problems arise, and overall in feeling more confident in their parenting. Parents also often come to me with questions about healthy childhood sexual development, parenting through divorce, and school problems.

Is parent coaching ongoing or one time?

Both! It completely depends on what you want to get out of it. If you have a focused, specific item to address, one session can cover that. But, if what you’re working on is, say, discipline—well, that’s likely to fit best with a series of sessions.

How would parent coaching be different from talking to other moms about challenges I’m facing with my child/ren?

It’s great to do both. Parents NEED a village—nothing can replace a supportive community of moms! And, I have a Master’s degree in clinical social work, ten plus years of professionally working with families and tons of continuing education on child development, parenting, attachment theory, etc. In addition to the training, I also have these conversations with parents all day every day—you’d be surprised how much you learn through the experience of helping other parents.

The other big difference is a bit of magic—when a parent commits to working with a professional, they take some major steps: they acknowledge that there’s an area they’d like to change, they open themselves up to hearing another point of view, they look at the ‘problem’ with new eyes, they pay more attention to their own thoughts/feelings/actions, they spend time and money, they agree to experiment with slightly new ways of parenting, and then come back and talk about how those changes worked. The time, focus, and energy commitment in working with a professional is so much greater than in talking with a friend—it can’t help but make a big difference!

Do you have any workshops happening in the next few months?

Yes. My Beyond Birds & Bees workshop for parents covers healthy childhood sexual development, sexual abuse and how to talk to your kids about sex. In the Mother-Daughter Puberty & More workshop, mothers and daughters participate together. That workshop covers the nuts and bolts of puberty, communication, and creating your own ‘coming of age’ ritual. Lastly, I am hosting a joint event with Well Styled, Looking Good, Feeling Good: Mother-Daughter Shopping Trip. Daughters work with Well Styled to find a stylish, flattering, age appropriate outfit, while Moms talk about parenting a pre-teen, clothes, body image and more. You can learn more about these workshops on my website.

What led you to develop a workshop focused on the “birds and the bees”?

Many, many conversations with parents.  Parents kept telling me that they wished there was help out there in figuring out how, what, and when to talk to their children about sex. Practically no one in our generation had parents who talked easily with us about sex—but ALL of us want our children to be able to make good decisions about their sexuality. But, how to get there?! I realized that all parents needed to get started was a little basic information about what is important & appropriate, and support in believing that they COULD do it!

What do you like about being a therapist and parent coach?

You know, I really, really love my job, for many reasons. I love talking with parents about the really tough experiences—the big ugly moments, if you will—and helping them understand that we all feel that way, make big mistakes, feel hopeless sometimes. Parenting is so hard, and there just isn’t enough support, validation, and understanding out there for those of us doing it! I love getting to provide it.

My other favorite thing is watching my clients grow out of needing my services. No, really! It feels so good to see clients putting pieces together, realizing things on their own that we once had to work to see, feeling so much more confident and effective. Seeing a parent feel proud, effective, and confident in their parenting feels great! I absolutely LOVE that that’s my job.

What do you think parents can lose sight of?

The role that they play in their child’s behaviors. We are so much more powerful and influential than we realize. This is actually a GOOD thing, but when we forget it, we feel powerless and frustrated. I like helping parents reclaim that power in ways that help the whole family.

How did starting a family change the way you related to your clients?

I was a family therapist before I was a parent, and a lot of what I say now is what I said then. Two big things have changed, though:  (a) I focus more on how much parents affect their children—and therefore how a parent can change what THEY do in order to bring about change in their child; and  (b) on a non-verbal, gut level: I GET IT—parenting is so, so, so hard. I really, really understand why parents do the things they do-even the ugly stuff. I think it’s hard to GET that until you’ve made a few dozen of your own ugly parenting mistakes.

What do you like most about Austin?

Intelligent, thoughtful, unique people live here, of course! I also love that weird is a good thing here. Coming from rural Louisiana, *I* was weird there. Here I’m practically vanilla—I love it!

What do you like to do outside of work?

Go on adventures with my daughter. We love to take the bus downtown—kids make the bus fun. Our family loves to ride bikes, swim, take day trips around central Texas, work in our backyard—anything outdoors. Board games and talking with girlfriends. Reading really great fiction when I’m alone—yum. But lately, a lot of my time currently is spent at my daughter’s school—I’m on the PTA, and it’s like a part-time job!

What’s the best way to keep up with what you are doing?

You can find me on Facebook, sign up for my monthly parenting e-newsletter, read my blog or follow me on Twitter.

Written by: Nicole Basham

I don’t know too much about recycling in Austin. Are there any readers out there that can enlighten me and help us unload in an earth friendly manner? We have a curbside bin and I am wondering what all can be recycled in that bin. Seems like our trash has tripled since having children and I am carrying around a guilty conscience about all of the trash that we throw away every day. Would love some detailed info on what I can recycle versus what just needs to be thrown out.

I did a little research and found this link for recycling in Austin. Are there any readers out there that can help out those of us living in the suburbs of Austin? Please, tell us what we can recycle curbside and what has to go to the dump.

Celtic Christmas at the Cathedral- A night of Celtic music presented by the Celtic Cultural Center of Texas and the Schola Cantorum of St. Mary’s Cathedral. Friday only at 8:00p.m. Tickets are sold out but there are still standing room only tickets available for $15.00 Not recommended for children under the age of 10. St. Mary’s Cathedral, 10th and Brazos. www.celticcenter.org/events.php

Gingerbread House Workshop- Make a mess in someone else’s kitchen? I am so there! This sounds like a blast. Friday and Saturday 10:00a.m., 12:30p.m., 3:30p.m. Cost per house with up to three people working on it is $28 per member or $33 for non-members. All ages. Call 472-2499, ext. 210 to register. Austin Children’s Museum, 201 Colorado Street. www.austinkids.org

Southpark Meadows Christmas Laser Spectacular- The sights and sounds of Chrismas brought to life in a spectacular display of lasers and lights! Friday, Saturday and Sunday at 6:00, 7:00, 8:00 and 9:00p.m. FREE Admission . All ages. IH-35 at Slaughter Lane. www.southparkmeadowslive.com

Trail of Lights- Last weekend to enjoy the mile long display of lights with food and entertainment along the way. Friday, Saturday and Sunday, 7-10p.m. FREE Admission. The Zilker Zephyr train will be up and running for the evening, $2 for children and $3 for adults. Zilker Park. www.ci.austin.tx.us/tol/events.htm

Sam Moses at Ruta Maya- Get your groove on with some cool music! Sunday, from 10:30-11:30a.m. FREE Admission, but bring along some spare change for tips for the performer. All ages. Ruta Maya Coffee House. www.rutamaya.net

Here’s one for you, mom. Maybe you can find a babysitter and bring your significant other along, but only if you want to. Check it out-

Dress Up: Portrait and Performance in Victorian Photography- I have wanted to check out this exhibition for some time now and have not yet had a chance to go. It ends on December 30th , so hurry before it’s gone forever. Stop and have a nice cup of coffee afterwards before the holiday madness continues. Saturday and Sunday from Noon-5:00p.m. Harry Ransom Center, 21st and Guadalupe on the University of Texas Campus. www.hrc.utexas.edu/

Monday

Pflugerville Pizza & Wing Pfactory

ZuZu’s

HangTown Grill

Tuesday

Serranos

Berryhill Baja Grill

Kerbey Lane Cafe

Central Market Cafe

Wednesday

Serranos

EZ’s

Moe’s Southwest Grill

Zen

Luby’s

Thursday

La Salsa (Mon-Thurs after 4p.m.)

Serranos

Saturday

Luby’s

Texas Land and Cattle

Iron Cactus

We are currently living in the Round Rock area, but are considering making a move into Austin to shave off some time spent commuting to and from work. With two school-aged children at home, we need to narrow down our search to an Austin neighborhood with good schools and where the cost of homes are under 400K. I don’t know much about A.I.S.D. and am wondering if there are any Austin parents that can send over a recommendation.

Here’s what Angela from Irie Bean Coffee Bar has to say about their place:

Glad you discovered us. We definitely consider ourselves family friendly. Children are very welcome and we have a lot that come in each day. We don’t have high chairs for children but we have coloring books, crayons and sidewalk chalk if you consider that equipment for kids We have a great back patio for them to run around on. We also have a monthly event called the Kids Decaf Club. These events feature activities like kids music, face painting, balloon animals, art projects, etc. Our next Kids Decaf Club event will be on Dec 15.

Maybe we can frequent their joint enough and convince them to get at least one high chair! Sounds like a nice place to chill out and people watch while the kids are busy. www.iriebean.com